Saturday, October 23, 2004

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I can plead innocence no longer...

FadeToSelf.com
I can plead innocence no longer...



Home
Reaching out.....
I can plead innocence no longer...
Survivors' Bill of Rights
COAs - Children Of Alcoholics
ITS NOT FAIR: A message to COAs still stuck in alcoholic homes
Child Sexual Abuse - page 1
Child Sexual Abuse - page 2
The Basics - Diagnosing Eating Disorders
Eating Disorders - page 2
Tools Of The Trade... Eating Disorders page 3
Self Injury
Things To Do When You Feel Self Harmful
How To Help Someone Who Self-Injures
Borderline Personality Disorder - page 1
Borderline Personality Disorder - page 2
A Word or Two about DeJarnette..
Disfigured Inner Soul
Little Mind Devastated (sexual abuse poem)
Cutter's Night
I'm Sorry
My Mirror
My Eating Disorder (a recovery poem)
Isolated
I Walk Alone
Solitude
N o t h i n g
Mondlicht
The 1st Day of Gym ~ A short story
The Ravine ~ A short story
Jason (poem)
My Many Shades Of Green
Tapestry
Earlier Unrelated Poems
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"I am responsible for my own well-being, my own happiness.
The choices and decisions I make regarding my life directly influences the quality of my days."
--Kathleen Andrus


"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame."
--Erica Jong


"I searched through rebellion, drugs, diet, mysticism,
religion, intellectualism, and much more,
only to find that truth is basically simple and feels good,
clear and right."
--Chick Corea


"The true test of character is...
how we behave when we don't know what to do."
--John Holt





My life has been difficult. I live with my problems everyday, and at times, I can't tell where the disorders begin, and I end, and where they end, and I begin. My past has left deep marks on me that I will carry in my soul until the end of my days, but do not let this mislead you... My life has been hard, and I have felt pain at the fault of others many times over, but I am no martyr. Being hurt is not an excuse to hurt others. The mistakes I have made are equally as responsible for my current situation and my level of depression as anything that has ever been done to me. I claim them as my own, and would like to bear the consequences of them as best as I can. I have hurt so many people, and done things I can never take back... and there are no words of sorrow that can reconcile my mistakes. I can only do my best to use the knowledge I have gained from them to try to lead a better life now, and to do what I can to mend the wounds I have caused when I am able.

I grieve greatly for the people I love, that I have hurt, and for the irreparable damage I have done in their lives. I do not ask, nor do I deserve their forgiveness. I only wish to openly claim my mistakes, and express how deeply sorry I am to the people I love and to the people who have been effected by my choices.

I strive to bring my family honor, and I sincerely hope that one day, despite my faults, I can be someone they will be proud of.











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