Funny Quotes - Famous Quotes - Quotes World

Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest
The crotch of the person who screws up your day
And may their arms be too short to scratch.
- Anon





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Hi Everyone,

I have a small, non commercial (at this point) web site - www.
words2u.net - where visitors can either decipher quotes (they get a
scrambled sentence and have to make out the original) or enter quotes.
Right now there are some 400 quotes, some from this group, some from
alt.quotations, and some original that I contributed myself.

Please help me by entering your favorite quotations in the web site. Of
course, you are also free to try and play the game as well. Anything is
fit - your favorite line from a book, poem or news article, famous
quotes, your own witty or pretty one-liners, etc. The only restriction
is direct links to web sites - to avoid spam, I can not allow html
scripts or web links.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Zvi.



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Accidents
Accidents happen and you can't do anything about it
– but sometimes
it can change your life – and give us just what we
need.
–Rosie Cash

Accidents
Now and then
There is a person born
Who is so unlucky
That he runs into accidents
Which started out to happen
To somebody else.
Does anyone know the source is?
......
Rose







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"If a man be gracious to strangers, it shows that he is a citizen of the world, and his heart is no island, cut off from other islands, but a continent that joins them." - Francis Bacon



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Hi Jennifer,

This is another quote that I have found to help.

"When you get into a tight place, and everything goes against you, til it
seems as though you could not hold on a moment longer, never give up then --
for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn". --Harriet
Beecher Stowe




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> Choice or Chance
> =============
>
> When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right place at
> the right time, that's chance.
>
> When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's
> chance.
>
> Being caught up in a moment (and there are a lot of couples who get
> together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.
>
> The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that
> infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?
> That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you
> want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.
>
> If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance.
> That's choice.
>
> When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice.
>
> Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive,
> smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate
> just the same, that's choice.
>
> Infatuation, crushes, and attraction come to us by chance. But true love
> that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.
>
> Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so
> true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to
> make it happen."
>
> I believe that soulmates do exist, that there is truly someone made for
> you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do
> something about it or not.
>
> We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our
> soulmate is still a choice we have to make.
>
> We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love, BUT to learn
> how to love an imperfect person perfectly.
>
> ~Author Unknown~ ;) ASH
>



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Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn------------------ Kalidasa:

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.-----Rienhold Neibuhr


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Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes,
Art is knowing which ones to keep.


-Scott Adams

We are all God's special creations –
given special gifts and talents,
use them, to bring joy and
abundance.

–Rosie Cash
................
Rose









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Aristotle, In Philosophy
Happiness is something final and complete in itself, as being the aim and end of all practical activities whatever .... Happiness then we define as the active exercise of the mind in conformity with perfect goodness or virtue.

Aristotle
Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government.

Aristotle
Happiness depends upon ourselves.

St. Augustine
Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible.


Charles Caleb Colton
Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route.

Mark Twain
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one—keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.


Victor Hugo
The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved — loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

Picasso
Everything exists in limited quantity - especially happiness.


Sharon Salzberg
It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years - we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on


John Templeton
Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, not material wealth... Happiness comes from giving, not getting. If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also. To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it. .

Firoze



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Application
One percent of learning needs ten percent of
application.
–Rosie Cash

Aphorism

An aphorism is never exactly true. It is either a half-truth or a
truth and a half.


-Karl Kraus
.........
Rose







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The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what
they become of it.
- John Ruskin

Life is not measured in years; it is measured in moments.
- Elie Wiesel

Prophecy is the wit of a fool.
- Vladimir Nabokov

Only the vanquished remember history.
- Marshall McLuhan

In most things sucess depends on knowing how long it takes to succeed.
- Baron de Montesquieu

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the
wealth which it prevents you from achieving.
- Russell Green




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Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranqility.
- James Thurber

Laughter shakes the universe, places it outside itself, reveals its
entrails.
- Octavio Paz

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there
must be a beverage.
- Woody Allen

In the end, everything is a gag.
- Charlie Chaplin

Unextinguishable laughter shakes the skies.
- Home, The Iliad

Funny had better be sad somewhere.
- Jerry Lewis




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Message: 1
Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2004 18:42:02 -0230
From: "Jennifer Lockyer"
Subject: HELP!!!

HELP ME PLEASE! my friend is depressed. he wants to die. he's always saying
hes ugly and worthless. i know him only through the internet, altho i talked
to him once before on the phone. i dont know him all that well, i care about
him a lot. i dont want him to do anything he might regret! can anyone help
me with quotes, poems, ideas about how to help him please? i need help
desparately.

~Jennifer~

A permanent solution to a temporary problem is a no-brainer.



More later,



Been there, done that.



You are in my prayers. May the God of peace bless you always!



Rev. Dr. Pema Ghedun Zangpo +
Prayer warrior and Disciple of Our Lord Jesus Christ

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."


~ Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
German-Swiss-American mathematical physicist

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If your heart is closed, then you will find behind that door nothing to
light your way. But if your heart is open, you will find behind that door
people who, like you, are searching, and you will find the right door
together with them. None of us can save himself; we are the instruments of
one another's salvation, and the only by the hope that we give to othersdo
we lift ourselves out of the darkness into light.
- Dean Koontz, One Doorway From Heaven




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"Ride it like you stole it" ...

-- Unknown seem by Catressa on an overpass in Washington

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The miracle is this--the more we share, the more we have.

- Leonard Nimoy




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"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see
inside of you."
---Wally Amos

=====
Jack Haydon
Independent Watkins Distributor
CELL: 727-710-8036

Get More Information here: http://www.tsginfo.com/index.php?rc=JH6734










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rosemarysil wrote:

>Its not the computer that screws up--The faulty interface lies between
>the chair and the keyboard.

This is abbreviated PEBCAK: Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard
(or variations such as PEBKAC and PIBCAK). A similar problem is UBD:
User Brain Damage.

There's also the famous ID-ten-T error (ID10T).


--
ALEX R. COHEN, J.D.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Doctoral student, philosophy program
City University of New York

arc@arclights.net
www.arclights.net

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
LIBERTY






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To nourish the soul means to become kinder, more compassionate, wiser, and more loving,
often through the making of difficult choices that foster growth rather than safety.
The nourishment and growth of the soul is the very reason for human life.

--- Joan Borysenko, Ph.D



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It is impossible to feel grateful and depressed in the same moment.

--- Naomi Williams



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Here are some quotes on "curiosity" for Allison:



"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education." -Albert Einstein



"The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural
curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it
afterwards." -Anatole France



"I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and
simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive.
One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life." - Eleanore
Roosevelt



"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." - Ellen
Parr



"Only barbarians are not curious about where they come from, how they came
to be where they are, where they appear to be going, whether they wish to go
there, and if so, why, and if not, why not." - Isaiah Berlin




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Dead Poet's Society
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry
because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with
passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits
and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are
what we stay alive for.


2. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into
mine."
Casablanca

"Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your
men."
Im No Angel

"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. (That's goddamn right.)" Shawshank
Redemption

Listen, I never f------ over anybody in my life who never have it coming to
them. You got me? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I
don't break them for no one. You understand? Scarface

Gabriel: Have you ever heard of Harry Houdini? Well he wasn't like today's
magicians who are only interested in television ratings. He was an artist.
He could make an elephant disappear in the middle of a theater filled with
people, and do you know how he did that? Misdirection.
Stanley: What the fuck are you talking about?
Gabriel: Misdirection. What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind
believe. Swordfish

Michael Corleone, Godfather 2 : I'll change; I'll change. I've learned that
I have the strength to change.











Marie Barbaro
Sales Executive
Aushen Group of Companies
612 9667-1888
612 9667-2388
marieb@aushen.com.au
www.aushen.com.au




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"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you
come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is
people who have come alive."

---Herald Whitman


=====
Jack Haydon
Independent Watkins Distributor
CELL: 727-710-8036

Get More Information here: http://www.tsginfo.com/index.php?rc=JH6734










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Computers

It's my belief that computers aren't something you use like you would
a Stairmaster. You can't get a workout on it in a half-hour. You need
to have it as part of your life.
--Elisabeth Stock
Computers for Youth, as quoted by The New York Times.


Life is like a computer, there are many things in it to shape up a
good world, but we have to always be alert & ready for viruses.

Its not the computer that screws up--The faulty interface lies
between the chair and the keyboard.

To err is human, but to blame it on the computers is even more so.

Character
Character building is an on going process from day one to the end of
life.
–Rosie Cash

Character should be like a diamond, able to stand the wear and tear
of reality.
–Rosie Cash
................
Rose












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Beauty
Everyone looks at the exterior –
no one has time to travel to the interior –
not even their
own.

–Rosie Cash

Lord Chesterfield on Sex:
"The price is exorbitant, the pleasure is transitory,
and the position is ridiculous."

,,,,,,,,,,
Rose







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Men want the same thing from women that they want from their
underwear....little support, comfort and freedom...so, wear your
underwear, much cheaper...why go for women.
-Rosie Cash

"One day the years of struggle will strike you as the most
beautiful"...yeah...but at the moment it's making me hot under the
collar. -Rosie Cash
.....
Rose




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Hi Ray,

Likewise, I have collected the following quotes but no idea who said them.

"A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and
the blinking red light"

"RAM /abr./: Rarely Adequate Memory."

"I dropped my computer on my foot ! That Megahurtz !"

"The only thing more dangerous than a hardware guy with a code patch is a
programmer with a soldering iron."

"To go forward, you must backup."

SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."

"Help! My keyboard is stuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a workstation..."

"To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer."

"System Error: press F13 to continue..."

"hAS aNYONE sEEN MY cAPSLOCK kEY ?"

"Who is this 'General Failure' and why is he reading my disk ?"

"Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector."

"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..."

Can anyone help?

Fatima.

-----Original Message-----
From: Ray Waits [mailto:ray@ebarrelracing.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 27, 2004 9:58 PM
To: famous_quotes@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [famous_quotes] Fw: Have you heard?


I have collected these but have no idea who said them - which annoys me.

Reality (computer term): Where the pizza dude comes from.

To err is human, but to really mess things up, you need a computer.

Morris, a bright nine year old came running to his Dad, 'Daddy ... I've
just seen this new computer that goes straight from the keyboard to hard
copy without a hard drive!' little Morris said breathlessly.
The nine year old had just seen his first typewriter!

Why My Dog Doesn't Use My Computer

1. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh ;pa3wds ( Too hard to type with
paws)
2. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
3. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears, "you've got mail."

My favorite:

There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand
binary, and those who don't.
-------Original Message-------

Has anybody heard any good quotes about computers? ... Please!

----------


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.718 / Virus Database: 474 - Release Date: 7/9/2004


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Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
-- Steven Wright

-----Original Message-----
From: Allison Marlowe [mailto:amarlowe@tiscali.co.uk]
Sent: Tuesday, July 27, 2004 8:53 PM
To: famous_quotes@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [famous_quotes] Alice in Wonderland


Does anyone know any quotes about curiosity from Alice in Wonderland?

*** Curiouser and curiouser --Alice ***

For that matter does anyone know any quotes about curiosity?

Allison



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Jennifer, here are a couple quotes on hope. I will look for some more. I
too have had periods of severe depression. The trick is just to somehow
ride it out, because at some point the tide turns. I will pray for your
friend.



Hope is the knowledge that life is everlasting, and that miracles happen
every day.

Hope is something that never abandons you. Even when your life is filled
with sadness and disappointment, a spark remains inside to help you get
through the rough times.

Hope is one of God's greatest gifts to you, because it's the magic that
inspires you to keep trying, learning, loving, and living.


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There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths. NIETZCHE......


To provoke laughter without joining in it greatly heightens the effect. BALZAC......


Light is the task when many share the toil.
HOMER.....


His heart was as great as the world, but there was no room in it to hold the memory of a wrong
EMERSON........


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Curiosity
Curiosity kills the cat not always, sometimes pays high
dividends.
–Rosie Cash

Curiosity takes a man to the land of the living from the land
of the living
dead.

–Rosie Cash"

A sense of curiosity is nature's original school of
education." -Smiley Blanton

People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do
not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand
like curious children before the great mystery into which we were
born.
-Albert Einstein in a letter to Otto Juliusburger
Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers. -Voltaire
[Francois-Marie Arouet] (1694-1778)
We are born to inquire after truth; it belongs to a greater power to
possess it. It is not, as Democritus said, hid in the bottom of the
deeps, but rather elevated to an infinite height in the divine
knowledge.

-Michel de
Montaigne
A man should go on living if only to satisfy his
curiosity. -Jewish Proverb
It is a shameful thing to be weary of inquiry when what we search for
is excellence.

-Marcus Tullius Cicero
I have no special talents. I am only passionately
curious. -Albert Einstein
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own
reason for existing.

-Albert
Einstein

I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be
able to meet yourself - it's eerie.

-Christy Turlington
Be curious always, for knowledge will not acquire you; you must
acquire it

-Sudie
Back
I believe the first test of a truly great man is his humility. I do
not mean by humility, doubt of his own powers. But really great men
have a curious feeling that the greatness is not in them, but through
them. And they see something divine in every other
man. -John
Ruskin
All explorers are seeking something they have lost. It is seldom that
they find it, and more seldom still that the attainment brings them
greater happiness than the quest.

-Arthur
C. Clarke
Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of
a vigorous intellect.

-
Samuel Johnson
I loathe that low vice
curiosity.
-Lord Byron
Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the
last. -Samuel Johnson
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for
curiosity. -Ellen Parr
I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be
curiosity.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Creatures whose mainspring is curiosity enjoy the accumulating of
facts far more than the pausing at times to reflect on those
facts.
-Clarence Day
Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery
will.
-James Stephens


I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted.
I am only very, very
curious.

- Albert Einstein
...........
Rose








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Nelson Mandela


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every
time we fall."

"If people can learn to hate they can be taught to love."


"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world
"


"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."


"We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to
do right."



-------Original Message-------

From: Denford Kakora
Date: 07/27/04 08:51:28
To: famous_quotes@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [famous_quotes] African Leaders

Can someone send me quotes from popular African Leaders like Mugabe, Mandela
Thabo, the late Patrice Lumumba, the late Nkwame Nkumah


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Kathleen Gorden

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Regards,

S.Gandhi





> - Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS.
> From world over, he received letters from his fans,
> one of which conveyed :
> "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
> To this Arthur Ashe replied:
> The world over --
> 5 crore children start playing tennis,
> 50 lakh learn to play tennis,
> 5 lakh learn professional tennis,
> 50,000 come to the circuit,
> 5000 reach the grand slam,
> 50 reach Wimbeldon,
> 4 to semi final,
> 2 to the finals,
> When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?".
> And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"
>



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There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them,
are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.

--- Albert Guinon (1863 - 1923)


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HELP ME PLEASE! my friend is depressed. he wants to die. he's always saying
hes ugly and worthless. i know him only through the internet, altho i talked
to him once before on the phone. i dont know him all that well, i care about
him a lot. i dont want him to do anything he might regret! can anyone help
me with quotes, poems, ideas about how to help him please? i need help
desparately.

~Jennifer~

_________________________________________________________________


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BlankPut your shoulder to the wheel.
Aesop, Hercules and the Wagoner

The gods help them that help themselves.
Aesop, Hercules and the Wagoner

Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.
Aesop, Juno and the Peacock

It is thrifty to prepare today for the wants of tomorrow.
Aesop, The Ant and the Grasshopper

Union gives strength.
Aesop, The Bundle of Sticks

Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
Aesop, The Dog and the Shadow





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Never trust the advice of a man in
difficulties.
- Aesop


The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given
it, to be perfectly indifferent whether
it is taken or not and never persist in trying to set people right.

–Hannah Whitall Smith, Inspirational author (1832-1911)

Note, not what is worn, but what is
said.

–Rosie Cash

Stand straight, cause like a tree you could fall as you
lean.
–Rosie Cash
............
Rose








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Does anyone know any quotes about curiosity from Alice in Wonderland?

*** Curiouser and curiouser --Alice ***

For that matter does anyone know any quotes about curiosity?

Allison



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perseverance :

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising
every time we fall."

--Nelson Mandela

I suspect he collected some of them. I immediately recognized one of them:

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius

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The person who never makes a mistake probably isn't doing anything- Rita
Emmett.

Sincerely,
Todd B. Natenberg
President/Author
TBN Sales Solutions

"I just got a job in sales! Now what?"
A Playbook for Skyrocketing Your Commissions

711 W. Gordon Terrace, Ste. 106, Chicago, IL 60613
Phone: 773-755-1306, Fax: 773-442-0840, Outside Chicago: 866-464-0339
e-mail: todd@toddnatenberg.com
www.toddnatenberg.com

TBN Sales Solutions increases commissions for salespeople and profits for
businesses through customized training, and consulting. We establish
structures and procedures in all facets of the sales process, through
workshops and individual one on one sales education, to teach reps to
control their own destiny, to impact the bottom line.

"Customers do not care how much you know until they know how much you care;
Sell how you want to buy."



-----Original Message-----
From: Gandhi S - Pondy Mfg - Production [mailto:gandhis@maricoindia.net]
Sent: Tuesday, July 27, 2004 4:53 AM
To: Famous_Quotes
Subject: [famous_quotes] Success Quotes

"Good questions outrank easy answers." --Paul A. Samuelson

"Failure after long perseverance is much grander than nëver to have a
striving good enough to be called a failure."
--George Eliot

"He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not,but rejoices
in what he has."
--Epictetus

"You are what you repeatedly do. Excellence is not an event - it is a
habit."
--Aristotle

"Whoever cares to learn will always find a teacher." --German proverb

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."
--Henry David Thoreau

"Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others, and in
their pleasure takes joy, even as though t'were his own."
--Johann von Goethe


Regards,

S.Gandhi







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I have collected these but have no idea who said them - which annoys me.

Reality (computer term): Where the pizza dude comes from.

To err is human, but to really mess things up, you need a computer.

Morris, a bright nine year old came running to his Dad, 'Daddy ... I've
just seen this new computer that goes straight from the keyboard to hard
copy without a hard drive!' little Morris said breathlessly.
The nine year old had just seen his first typewriter!

Why My Dog Doesn't Use My Computer

1. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh ;pa3wds ( Too hard to type with paws)
2. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
3. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears, "you've got mail."

My favorite:

There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand
binary, and those who don't.
-------Original Message-------

Has anybody heard any good quotes about computers? ... Please!

----------


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MSNBC Newsbot

MSNBC's newsbot is an automated test scan of the Net's most current headlines and is designed to enhance the breadth of MSNBC.com

The MSNBC Newsbot (beta), powered by MSN Search Technology, is an experimental, automated news service. Newsbot gathers news from over 4,800 sources on the Internet to speed your discovery of the information you care about most. Enter a topic, interest, or news story you want to learn more about and MSNBC Newsbot will bring you up-to-the-minute coverage from around the Internet. Newsbot is built on advanced computer algorithms to determine which stories and photos are most relevant, most popular, and to recommend stories to individual readers based on their interests.

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